Longing and Distress

Can’t you make me feel significant or at least make me remember how you played the role in my life?

You were there to act as if you’ll give me everything, maybe pretending you’ll give me your world but how dare you put me aside? In times when I need someone like you in my life– A figure to protect me, to make me strong and to make me believe that family does not only exist in my poor imagination but also in reality. You should have been here. You should have noticed how I was when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m hyperventilating.

I NEEDED A FIGURE LIKE YOU, I SWEAR.

I never talked about my longing, I always pretend that everything is okay, or i must say, will be okay. You see me smile and behind those curved lips was a swollen eyes and a moping woman. Yes, a woman. Have you even noticed? I’m older and stronger. When was the last time you played your role? You thought you gave me what I needed but you never really did. You thought what you were giving me was enough? Let me tell you this, those things can never cover you defect.

I wanted to have you, to have us. I wanted to live a normal life. The normal dinner served, the normal happy moments that we should have had. I had been very eager to feel normal. But as I grew older, I realized life cannot be as simple as I wanted it to be. Life is not like a Facebook game where a cheat can always be downloaded. Life is a constant battle, a struggle to live your own and survive. I only wished a very little portion of what you should have given me. An ample time we could spend, an ample time to make me feel that you’re still there… that your existence may not be felt, but you haven’t completely leave me. But where were those minutes or hours that I must have??

where are you?

WHERE?…

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One thought on “Longing and Distress

  1. Pingback: Putting a Giant Smile on my Life | Tasithoughts's Weblog

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